Happy Friday the 13th!! Do you believe in it? I passed my driving test after four failed attempts on Friday 13th so I think it is a magical day full of miracles.
So today I waned to discuss my mental health issues and how it all started for me.
There are a few issues that I am not quite ready to share yet, but I will share with you all one day when the moment and timing is right. You will notice I do a lot of things by following my gut, I am these days very tuned into myself, and my vibes. It has taken a lot of work to get to this point and daily steps.
So when I first started to get issues with my Mental Health I was 12 or 13 years old and at boarding school, I started to get these horrific headaches and was diagnosed with Chronic Migraines. Now when I get any type of headache my body had this lovely connection of just vomiting to the point of having nothing left only then will any headache ease off.
So you can imagine at this age when I am missing lessons, fun times with my friends and people talking about what was wrong with me I became upset, lonely, low and pretty depressed, plus I was away from my family.
I eventually came to accept the headaches and got on with it when I had one, and enjoyed the good days. Then when I was 14 I got bullied which lead to an eating disorder the day I got over my eating disorder was when my parents could not take me to the doctor who specialised in eating disorders so my granddad who I idealised had to take me and something about the heart broken look in his face snapped me out of that and eventually the bully moved on.
Things got better right up until I was 19 when I experienced a loss like I have never felt before this loss is something I am yet to feel comfortable enough to discuss but it sent me into a spiral of crappy relationships, drugs, drink and not really giving two monkeys about me or anyone else. It was also about this time when I got diagnosed with not only chronic migraines but Cluster Headaches! Life was pretty crappy!!
Then in October 2015 I was introduced via a friend to my Husband life got better, then I changed jobs which at the time I thought was an amazing career move but as soon as I got there the manager of my department made it pretty clear he did not like me and wasn’t afraid of letting me know about it. I started to get on the bus each day after work and cried, walk in the house crying, not sleeping, not eating. It then got to one point when I locked myself in the staff toilets and had a breakdown. I walked out of that building and never went back!
I then took a little career break and decided to become a self employed beauty therapist and makeup artist which I loved but can no longer do due to Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. We got married and moved house, this then created some issues as I seemed to have no contact with a lot of people I considered close friends not only that I was away from my family who I am very close with and they are an amazing support especially my mum. She is my biggest cheerleader!
I started to feel really lost and lonely, depression started to set in. Then a year after marriage almost to the date we had a phone call from my step sons mother to say she could no longer cope with him and he was to live with us. This was a Monday evening and my husband left to pick him up the following morning. I became a full time parent over night!
When he moved in our honeymoon period was well and truly over, I became very stressed, anxious, and depressed because not only was I dealing with my mental health I was now having to deal with someones mental health that was too young to understand what was going on in his life and head I became his emotional punch bag.
This being said I put this all aside to care for him, get him the professional help he needed, Dr appointments, school counsellors, etc.
Every week is different we have good weeks and horrific weeks but we have all become a strong family unit where we know how to talk about what is going on and get help when we need it.
Then the biggest heartbreak I have ever been through happened, my grandfather died. This took every bit of positive energy away from me, I was devastated! He was the man I always looked up too, the man I always wanted to make proud, my father figure as I have a turbulent relationship with my own father. When this happened I lost it, depression, anxiety, the chronic headaches it all came full on back into my life and like I had never been through before.
I even went to the Dr and begged for help and he said ” I can give you some tablets to numb you to get through the funeral” I did not want to numb, I wanted to feel it because he meant so much. Instead I delved deep into self development and I truly believed this snapped me out of the pit I was in.
This made me see that I needed to look at the memories we shared, the happy times, think what I could do that would help others and this lead me into doing a diploma in life coaching which helped me so much with my own mental health and helping E with his mental health issues. E even said to me once ” maybe you are the only one who can help me, as no one else seems to care”.
All the stress this boy has brought into my life and drama on a daily basis we do have a pretty tight relationship.
Self development videos, podcasts, books, lives on Facebook, saved me and to this day I implement them daily in some form to help me, they also allow me to help others and recognise not only when I am going down the rabbit hole but when others are heading down there too.
My journey with mental health is not over, I do not think it ever goes away you just find ways to deal with it and keep fighting another day, some people are not that lucky and I am very aware of that. This is why talking about it and bringing awareness, removing stigmas around it is so important. We all have a fight going on inside us.
I would love to hear what you do that makes you feel better about things? Let’s help each other.
Have a wonderful day.